Resilience Over Perfection Parenting

Where it comes from

William Hockey, reflecting on his parents and his 6-month-old son, in highlights/william-hockey-bet-on-yourself (~1:13:50): “We are quite obsessed with creating this perfect environment for our children... And that is valuable, but we may be creating children that can do linear algebra at seven. And I guess it's going to be great, they're going to be great AI researchers. But is that what we're going to need in 20 years from now?”

How it works

• The parenting trend: “We send them to the best schools. They have the nicest people in their lives.” But this creates an environment where children never face real adversity.
• Risk tolerance is built in childhood: “If you grew up in an environment of fear, if you grew up in an environment where you were constantly de-risking when you're a little kid, it's very challenging to feel comfortable going up the risk spectrum as you grow into an adult.”
• Hockey's parents insulated him from hardship: “My childhood could have been a lot more difficult than it was because they insulated me from a lot of things.”
• But also taught risk: “They also kind of taught us like it's okay to fall. It's okay to get punched in the face. Like see these? They're all fake.” (pointing to his teeth).
• Getting punched builds character: “It's pretty good at getting punched in the face. And you can only teach that as a little kid.”
• The choice: Do you want kids who can do linear algebra at seven, or kids who are “pretty good at taking risks, that are going to be pretty good at being punched in the face?”